The Pressure's On...

I did everything I was supposed to do. I kept my car in perfect condition. The people who owned and worked in the original Bothell Tire and Automotive where I had all maintenance work done on my car got old and one by one they retired.

Unfortunately it took me a couple scheduled maintenances to realize the new owners were not exactly honest. Before I discovered this, however, they put on a new timing belt that was supposed to last for 60,000 miles.

What revealed to me that they were more interested in their bottom line than they were in doing good work for their customers was some unrelated work they did on my car. I don't remember what it was, but their oversight was so obvious that I went to another garage to have the work redone. At this second garage, I had the foresight to ask them to write up a note verifying the worthlessness of the work BTA did. I took this lettel to BTA and with all the politeness I could muster requested a refund.

Apparently I wasn't the only one to have a negative experience with BTA, as shortly after this I drove by and noticed the windows boarded up. As far as I was concerned, all was fine and well until the timing belt they put in broke well before it should have. Under ordinary circumstances, they would be liable, But with the business gone,who was going to make it right?

Luckily, I have an extended warranty that still covers the car. Relieved and patting myself on the back for being so well prepared, I called them. They're also out of business! I've had better days, but this one could've been way worse. Luckily I was sitting at a stop light when the belt broke and not speeding down the interstate. A new timing belt and water pump took a chunk out of my savings, but nothing like the chunk replacing the whole engine would've taken out. Thank you God. Gratitude feels good.

My first impulse is to get mad and resentful, but what's that going to help? Resenting someone or something hurts no one but me. Resenting someone is like sticking a fork in my eye and hoping someone else goes blind.

Cars are like people. There's no way to know how well they're put together and how they'll behave under pressure until pressure happens.

Love on the Bus

Love doesn't make the world go round, but it sure makes the ride worthwhile.
-- Franklin P. Jones

Wet stairs, a need to hurry, a half-paralyzed body and not looking where you’re going is a bad combination. I slipped. The back of my good leg skidded down the stairs; my paralyzed leg couldn’t hold me. I landed on my seat and bounced out the bus door, sprawling on the sidewalk.

Since I fell all the time, this was no big deal. I just got up and headed toward my next bus. At the next bus, a pretty woman, a little older than myself, plopped down beside me.

“I saw you fall,” she said. “When you got right back up and kept going, just like you hadn’t even fallen, i decided that, if I had the chance, I wanted to talk with you.”

I fell all the time, so I hadn’t even thought about it. But Kathryn noticing and wanting to talk to me just because I’d gotten back up and kept going made me feel good about myself.

We met on the bus two or three days a week for about a year or less. We got to know each other pretty well. I told her about my therapy and she told me she was going through a divorce and custody fight.

She had an entire world of problems I’d never dreamed of. Listening to her story and becoming interested in her circumstances helped me in four ways:

1. It helped me realize I wasn’t the only one with problems.
2. It helped me get my mind off my problems.
3. It helped me feel capable of helping her.
4. It helped me by giving me a friendship that has lasted for 20+ years.


That happened to be a long interaction, but creating a bond and feeling of camaraderie can happen much quicker. I've felt bonded to people when all there's been between us is an understanding smile, or maybe a few words of encouragement.


We all have opportunities to love and help other people. What keeps me helping others is remembering how good I feel when someone helps me.

Ready But Still Sorry?

Turns out the timing belt I replaced 37,000 miles ago broke. But I did all the maintenance I was supposed to do, so the extended warranty I bought should take care of it. But the warranty company went bankrupt! But they went to court and the warranties they sold are still being honored.

This is another boring post. But like I said, I'd rather be bored than sorry. But I am sorry. Yeah, but not as sorry as I'd be if I hadn't been ready.

Be Ready or Be Sorry

Plenty of room between me and oncoming cars make it look like there's plenty of time for to turn. I quickly turn the wheel and step on the gas. My car moves into the oncoming lane, but the power dies and the steering feels suddenly stiff. It stalled! Hmm, it's never done that before.

Quickly I grab the key and turn it. The engine turns over willingly showing the battery is strong. But turning over or not, it just won't start. What's wrong? Come on, let's go.

My 1999 Toyota, Camry has been running perfectly since I bought it in '02. I instantly loved it's deep red paint and shaded skylight. It's been a great ride right up until today.

"You need a push?" a couple men asked as they came running up to where my dead car blocked the intersection.

I shrugged. "Apparently, thanks. I don't know what's wrong with it."

They pushed my car out of the intersection and to the edge of this slight incline where my car began coasting on it's own. Well away from the intersection, I stopped, took out my cell phone, called triple A and waited for a tow truck.

Pretty boring story, huh? That's the way I like it. No drama. No terribly unpleasant surprises. Planning for the unplanned helps keep life simple.

Since we folks with disabilities have fewer physical and sometimes financial resources than folks without disabilites, planning for the unplanned is especially helpful.

I try to keep my car stocked with cell phone, phone charger, Motor Club insurance, Clif bars, flashlight and drinking water. Why? Because, being bored is always better than being sorry.

Is This Blog About Disabilities?

Some people may ask, What's this blog's got to do with disabilities?
To which I'll say, "Everything!"
What's every normal or adnormal person in the world need?
Success at setting/reaching goals and healthy relationships.
What do we normal or adnormal people with disabilities need?
The same thing. Success at setting/reaching goals and healthy relationships.
What sort of stuff is in this blog?

The content of this blog can be divided into three loosely defined catagories.

1. Stuff I've heard from credible AA people as well as rehabilitation professionals.

2. Things I've learned from experience as a person with disabilities.

3. I frequently share my experience, strength and hope about how this person with disabilities uses goal setting and fellowship with AA people and folks in church and other aspects of my life to strengthen my self image and build and maintain healthy relationships.

There you go. This blog is about finding an easier, softer way to live with or without disabilities. life is about setting goals and maintaining relationships, whether you have a disability or not.

If you have specific questions about living with disabilities, ask. If I don't know, I'll help you find the answer. Why would I do that? Because, as I probably said in an earlier post: Helping you Helps me.

Old Is As Old Does

A couple days ago, as is unual, I gave 81 year old Don a ride to the AA meeting. Don may only be 81 but he hears like he’s at least 99. We’re going along having a conversation about two totally different things.
Sometimes I ask him if he can hear me.
“Yeah, I can hear ya,” he says, “I just can’t understand ya.”
I just shake my head. What can ya do?

I've been asked to chair the Lakeside Milam Treatment Center AA meeting tonight. I love the atmosphere at treatment centers. Even though some of the folks are still going through withdrawels, everybody's so optimistic about their chances to live a better life once they get back home.

Well then why do so few treatment center alumni stay sober once they get out of treatment? Because very few are willing to do the work to stay sober. Treatment centers give patients the tools to stay sober, but very few patients use the tools their given with the honesty and integrity that's required. And as everybody knows....... If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Another "What I Learned Today."

Doing less than we promise is despised the first time and expected the second.
Doing what we promise is appreciated and respected all the time.
Doing more than we promise is like finding a hidden treasure, to both us and them.

As I Understand Listening to others...6a

I can sound fairly articulate, which makes people sometimes form ideas about me that aren't entirely true. For example, focusing on more than one thing at a time can be real difficult for me. This limitation can make me seem self absorbed, which isn't ALWAYS the case.

For instance, I don't purposely ignore what other people say. However, if I'm totally wrapped up in and enthusiastic about what's going on with me at the moment and the person I'm talking with says something, it won't even register that they said anything.

I don't hear them and choose to ignore them. It's like I'm watching Appollo 11 taking off heading for the first lunar landing and out of the corner of my eye, I see a crow fly by. It's not like I don't see the crow. I see it. It's right there, but the launching rocket ship is so captivating that the crow is just a momentary blip on my radar.

Case in point: This morning I realized I haven't told my brain damaged friend Cathy about my blog. All excited, I call to tell her about it. Thoughts of what a cool contributor she will make fill my whole mind. There's no room for anything else.

I happen to call right when she's in the middle of doing something. She says she's busy right now, but I'm so excited about getting her on my blog that I just say "OK" and keep right on talking. After a few minutes, Cathy says,

"Hold on. I got another call."

She was gone several minutes, during which time I begin thinking. When she gets back on the phone, I ask, "Did you really have another call?"

"No, I just had to finish getting dressed."

We both laugh. It's good to have brain damaged friends who know how it is.

As I Understand "Doing What I Can"...5

Out the window, at the foot of my bed, gray dismal clouds fill the sky. I hear a splash as a car runs over a puddle in the complex parking lot. At least it's not freezing. I turn up the thermostat and appreciate the sound of warm air rushing into my chilled living space.

A faint dusting of snow covers the complex lawn. This seems like a good morning to stay inside where it's warm and dry, I'm thinking as I drop into a chair in my entry way and begin pulling my shoes on. The brace in my left shoe goes almost up to my knee, supporting my ankle and giving me a familiar, secure feeling.


I don't want to walk, but I have to! Having the left side of my body paralyzed is a nuisance as long as I keep myself in fairly good shape. Having one side paralyzed if I let myself get fat and weak would be more than a nuisance. It would be a travesty! I may not be as strong and nimble as I used to be, or even as I want to be, but I'm not as helpless, or as depressed, as I would be if I didn't do what I can to stay in shape.

I'm fairly comfortable with my left arm & leg attrophying smaller and smaller, but I'm still not thrilled with it. What saves the day for me is exercising so I'm in almost as good of shape as I can be.

The other night Jay Leno said something about one in every three Americans is obese. That means one in every three Americans is three Americans.

With Leno's joke in mind, I head out the door and start limping around the block.

As I Understand Acceptance...4b

In my previous post or two, I established that I think helping others is one of many steps we can take along the path leading from feeling discontent to feeling content. A huge step in the journey toward contentment, possibly the biggest, is acceptance.

Acceptance is the key to solving all my problems. When I'm discontent, it's because I find some person, place, thing or situation unacceptable. The only way for me to change from being discontent to being content is to change the only thing I have control of, my thinking. If I change my thinking and realize the following four things, I have peace like it's Sunday morning and I'm smelling coffee and pancakes.

1. Everybody doesn't believe in God. That's fine. Why should I let their lack of faith deprive me of my faith? To me, there is a God who cares about my life.
2. My life is easier if I turn it over to God.
3. Absolutely nothing happens that surprises God or leaves him flabbergasted.
4. God is on my side.